today is the best day!

we went to the beach for breakfast and had hamburgers for dinner! i love days like this. everyday should be beach-burger day. i made friends with a black hunk of fineness whose name is willie, and a met a giant sized danish dog named luther. luther's rear was right at nose level for me, so i got to know him real well. and he was kind of like me cause he doesn't like the water and didn't swim out one time to chase a silly ball.

we're watching a movie now about a confused girl named temple lindy LOVES this movie cause there's a lot of cows and other farm animals in it. frankly i don't get tv. it rots your brain. i'd rather smell stuff or have a donut. 

tomorrow me and momma are gonna spend all day in the kitchen bonding. we're gonna cook up something cheesy and delicious for a dallas cookbook. as soon as we figure out what it is and what we'll call it. i'll post it too. i'm gonna be like that french lady julia.

gotta go. the hamburger made me sleepy; i'm going to bed.

love and all beef patties,

daisy

i like carnitas . . .

. . . which are just little mounds of piglet goodness, but with a mexican touch (like shredded cheese). this is my new favorite meal. ay carumba!

momma left daddy today. i say 'good riddance'. daddy's too good for her anyway and we like him better. she had a big suitcase thingie with her and said she would see us never. never is too soon. she did take us for a stroll before she left though. so thanks momma.

sunday was a sucky day cause we had to take baths. i tried to hide in the bushes, but cuda ratted me out. did i mention how much i don't like baths? its nice when daddy rubs me dry though (it kind of gives me the shivers sometimes), but i think i smell fine, thank you very much. next time they're out of the house i'm gonna pee on the couch.

i wrote a poem i think you'll like.

i have a friend

its name is cheese

if i had a lot of money to spend

i'd spend it on cheese

cheese is light gray

and it makes me say

'cheese'.

love and pork products,

daisy

lindy, uncle leo and i need a farting room

momma and daddy don't like it when we fart in the living room, so we've decided to use daddy's office as the poot-palace. when momma says "you. go. fart. somewhere. else." we'll just run in there real quick and let one. i really don't know what the problem is. daddy poots too (loud) and we don't make him go outside or anything. it IS a natural bodily function. uncle leo is really the bad one. he's like a toot-ventriloquist. he "throws" his farts from the hall to the living room and then blames us. stupid, loud, white cat.

we've decided cuda is borderline-retarded. you cannot have a conversation with her. she's dead behind the eyes.

letty, our maid (momma's little helper) was here today. momma needs a maid cause she's a lazy person; i'm just saying. we like letty and her friend mona. they pet us and scooch us outside before trying to run us over with the vacuum cleaner like momma does.

today was a beautiful day in critter canyon. we saw a whole lot of rabbits, two leftover cat pieces and a mangled bird - all great smells.

daddy's home; gotta go cause i know he's taking us for a stroll where the picnic tables are. we always find leftover donuts, candy and taco wrappers there. i'm jonesing for a burrito.

big, lumpy hugs, 

daisy d. b.

p.s. it is 69 days until my birthday. i would like some cheese and a trip to cabo.

i broke the computer

i really wanted a laptop of my very own (i don't like sharing momma's). so i went to a website called laptopforfree and spent a whole lot of money and got a virus all at the same time. momma is not happy and has not let me use her computer. i have spent the last week licking her feet, begging for forgiveness. so i'm back. but momma had to spend 14 hours fixing the puter. that's what she DOES. she should thank me for letting her practice her craft.

audrey's back! and she brought a whole bunch of giggling girls with her - well 2 more. and madi is here too!! i like them a whole lot cause they pet me and i don't have to ask 72 times. and they drop food on the floor so its definitely a benefit for lindy and me; we're the 'cleaners' of all dropped food particles especially pepperoni. but that doesn't stop momma from running the vaccuum cleaner. its way more fun with the girls here; they're kind of loud and one of them barfed and their bathroom is a swamp. but they smell good like coconuts and flowers and turkey. 

there was a mouse behind the tv for a week. after about 3 days we hadn't seen him so we thought he sucessfully snuck out. but on night 4 he scooched out real quiet but cuda saw him and beat him up then hid him under the pet bed. daddy didn't find the little guy until he started to stink up the dining room. we had a small quiet ceremony out back by the trash can where he was put to rest. i hope his soul goes to rodent heaven where there's lots of trash to dig in and no cats to mess up his fun.

i have to go now; i found a new internet site that's dedicated to cheese logs and beef sticks. i'm making my christmas list.

love and salami,

daisy daffodil

we got popped by the po-po

momma left us by ourselves with daddy last weekend so we could have some quality bonding time. daddy is way more awesome than momma. she should leave town every weekend.

when she got back from her trip, she took us to the baseball fields for some rollin' in the grass and some belly rubbin'. while we were playing, some guy hopped out of his truck and walked over to us. at first, we thought he was just a nice man who wanted to pet us and admire our beauty. so we ran up to him and smiled and licked his knees and begged for a pat. but turns out he was the dog police! he said momma had to put us on our leashes or he'd give us a ticket. he said people had complained about us running wild when there was a playground so close and little kids around -- REALLY? US? we're harmless! we love knee-biters (toddlers) cause their faces are right next to ours and they love sloppy dog kisses. some even like a good whack in the face with our tails. i'm just sayin'. but he made momma chain us back up like bad dogs even though we're not and said he'd be watching. we never got busted by the dog po-po in texas. i miss texas. california people are crazy.

momma's friend, joe friday (really), said she couldn't read my diary if i keep putting pictures of dead stuff on it, so i won't this week. i'll just give the running total of slayings by our lovable feline killers: 3 birds, 2 bunnies, 6 lizards, 3 rats, 2 mouse heads and some intestines.

gotta run; its time for my mid-late morning nap.

have a handcuff free day,

love,

daisy

stiff bunny and mouse face

yes, that is the name of a new band in socal.

not really. its what we woke up to this morning. dead baby rabbit in the dining room and a mouse face on the patio. the cats (minus cuda) will now be referred to as the 'gruesome twosome'. their acts will not go unpunished. i believe in a higher power ('dog' is my leader) and the cats will answer to her at some point. wonder if there are cats in heaven. i bet they have a heaven of their own (that probably smells like tuna). there won't be any cats in my heaven. only cat butts.

yesterday was momma's birthday. we bought her tickets to go see some guy i've never heard of who is gonna be standing up on a stage somewhere far away so momma and daddy can stay a night away from us. you're welcome momma!  unfortunately there was no birthday cake. how can there be a birthday with no cake? i hope this is not a new tradition or something; every birthday should have cake. but momma's butt is growing and she doesn't have any fur to shave off, so there's no help for her and nothing to make her look skinnier. perhaps she doesn't need any cake. i could have her piece though. she should take us for more walks. momma, if you're listening, i have a new very simple diet plan for you: 1) walk us 17 times a day and 2) stop eating so many whoppers and give them to me. see? easy as pie. chocolate cream pie. mmmmm; chocolate cream pie.

i feel a dream coming on. better go catch it.

love and cool whip,

daisy d.b.

i'm not happy about my haircut . . .

now we look like dumb labs. the whole 'spa-day' that momma put us through was torture. a bath, a shave and a teeth-brushing is not my idea of a relaxing day. these stupid bandanas are ridiculous too. they make lindy and i look like hicks from a farm or something. on the bright-side, i do look thinner. 'does this fur make my butt look big?' um, yes it did. plus it is so HOT here, i'm feeling way cooler and friskier now. oh well. our long and luxurious hair will grow out soon. the cats freaked out when they saw us though; they always do after we get haircuts or baths. i can't believe they're so retarded they don't recognize us. i guess i understand; they have tiny little brains. none of them can form complete sentences. and their grammar is terrible.

tiny critter death count this week is at 5 (all from the rodent family). daddy found a tiny rat this morning on the back porch. so cruel. poor little thing was just a baby. but the wrath of uncle leo cannot be stopped. leo should go work for an exterminator; at least he'd get paid for his dirty work. there was also a mouse head on the front lawn and miscellaneous other unrecognizable parts lying about the grounds of casa sanders. as usual, lindy and i are hard at work trying to piece everything together and notify the next of kin. our work is never done. its sad too, enough to drive me to drown my sorrows in a cheesecake or something. i've never had cheesecake. is it cake made of cheese? maybe if i ask nicely, momma will make me one.

in other cat news, cuda has been beating up newman on a regular basis. she sneaks up behind him and pounces. smacks him around a bit, then runs off cackling. i don't think she remembers that she's his grandma. it very upsetting to newman though; he's a lover, not a fighter.

gotta run; its time for my 2:00 nap.

love, love, love,

daisy daffodil

cupcakes make me poot

yesterday was lindy's birthday (and all my other babies too). so daddy made us chicken for dinner and we had cupcakes for dessert. we had two each! (they go down SO easy and fast). i know sugar is bad for my butt and thighs, but its only twice a year that we get cake. so we had to celebrate. i ordered lindy's present on the internet, but it hasn't come in yet. its this crazy stuffed animal that makes noise - called a "crazy critter". when she sees the commercials on tv, she goes a little nuts. so we thought we'd buy one so she can totally lose her mind.

momma says we're getting hair cuts this weekend. this year i don't want a military style (like last time), i want "the rachel" (you know - from friends). we'll see how that goes. sometimes the groomer lady doesn't speak my language. if she doesn't get it right, i will want a complete refund.

uncle leo caught a baby rattlesnake the other day and killed it before it could bite him. ron was such a cute little snake. leo said they're dangerous though and that's why he had to kill it. we scared the pants off uncle leo on tuesday. he was already in critter canyon sneaking on unsuspecting bunnies when we went for our morning stroll. when we came around the corner, he wasn't expecting us and he screamed and ran home. lindy and i laughed our butts off.

that's about all from sunny and hot southern california. more later after my nap.

hugs and creamy frosting,

daisy

6 years ago today . . .

i was squirting out 8 babies. ugh; i never want to do that again. but happy birthday lindy and max and mac and you other little snots whose names i can't remember. hope you are all having very successful lives full of cheese and bacon burgers and frequent walks.

big hugs,

momma daisy

big dead rat

no, that is not the name of a cool new band in southern california. that is the name of the giant rat we found in the garage this morning. all body parts were intact. but he was definitely paws-up. he kind of peaceful though like he was sleeping.

we saw 278 bunnies in the field today. really, i counted. and i would not tell a lie. i chased two of them, then was too tired and needed some breakfast.

that's all for now.

love, miss daisy

we found a cat leg in critter canyon this morning

after very close inspection, we decided it was definitely not a rabbit foot (so no good luck for us) and it definitely wasn't one of the family. it only had hair on the 2nd part of the foot; the rest was all bone. i'm wondering if the rats are starting a mutiny or something. maybe they're sending the cats a message - like "don't mess with us anymore or this is what could happen TO YOU". or maybe it was just a random rat-mafia hit. or maybe it was just a senseless coyote killing. all i know is this calls for me and lindy's special private-eye, c.s.i. services. we're sneaking out later with our flashlights and luminol to see if we can check out the blood spatter, just like dexter (he's my new favorite man on tv next to cesar millan). i mean, i know he kills stuff, but its always for a good cause. and i'm always for a good cause.

gotta run. daddy's outside smoking and i have to go frown at him (he's gonna get lung cancer and leave momma alone; then she'll be sad).

love and spaghetti,

daisy

there's a song about me on t.v.

i heard it yesterday, it kinda goes like this (please sing along):

dai-sy just goes with fam-ily
so do a dollop
do do a dollop of dai-sy
do a dollop do do a dollop
things taste better with a dollop of dai-sy
do a dollop do do a dollop of dai-sy

i try real hard to put dollops of daisy everywhere i go and now they've made a commercial out of it! who'd have thought. my diligence in sharing myself has paid off. i'm sure to be famous soon.

yesterday, lindy said she'd give me her crunchy bone if i pooped on the porch. then she double-dog-dared me to do it, so i had to. daddy found my surprise this morning, but he's not sure who did it. happy late father's day daddy! its good that daddy doesn't know how to read.

one of the cats has turned into hannibal lector and is trying to make a mouse suit for him or herself (but i'm pretty sure its not cuda). i think cuda's early drug days have made her kind of stupid. but anyway, we keep finding miscellaneous parts of assorted mice and rats. last week there was just a mouse face, then we found a kidney, a tail and skin from a mouse's back. i don't know where the rest of the mouses went though. maybe uncle leo is making a mouse halloween costume or maybe he's going to be a fashion designer or something and this is the latest fashion trend - mouse armor. i dunno, but its grossing me and lindy out.

daddy's making pork chops for breakfast. i'm gonna go look sad and hungry.

happy friday!

love and bacon bits,

daisy daffodil broyles

momma gave us baths yesterday

momma is on my poop-list.

momma is croaking like a frog . . .

separated at birth? i think they look just alike.

in addition to momma's weird voice, she also played the statue game all day yesterday. she posed in a laying down position on the couch and didn't move all day. i thought she might be dead. lindy and me play statue really good too; pretty much every day we play the statue game. i usually win. daddy thinks we're sleeping, but we're actually competing in a very fierce game.

while momma was running that crazy vacuum cleaner yesterday -- mr. roombot --uncle leo snuck in a dead mouse and dropped it under the dining room table (dead mouse was playing hide'n seek). the vacuum cleaner got stuck on it and quit going in circles. when momma got up to see what was wrong with mr. roombot, she discovered dead mouse not-walking and screamed so loud, lindy and i had to quit our statue game to see what the heck was going on. serves her right for using that stupid vacuum all the time.

the maid lady came today to clean up our messes. so, right after she left, we went outside and rolled in the grass, then came in the house and shook stuff all over the floor. that should make momma's day cause now she'll get to vacuum again when she gets home. its our daily gift to her so she keeps her sanity.

cuda killed a mouse last night and brought him into the living room. she's trying to be part of the "killer kitty klan" that newman and uncle leo are in, and that was her initiation. she has many, many more mouses to go to catch up though. death count is back up this week and the competition continues -- leo: 1 dead rat and a dead lizard; newman: 1 dead mouse. there were also pieces of a bird lying around the garage but no one is fessing up.

daddy's putting on his walking shoes so i have to go (pee, that is).

love and scrambled eggs,

daisy

momma is fickle

today she grabbed both "cheese" and i and hugged us real nice. and kissed us with abandon, on the lips, like they do in mushy movies. but yesterday she was grouching about how much we smell (we smell good, in my humble opinion) and how much dirt we bring into the house. we only bring in the dirt cause we know how much she likes to vaccuum. she must love it, she has two of those annoying things. i just don't get her. i don't know how daddy lives with her instability.

momma drug her suitcase out from under the bed. this is not a good sign. usually means they're abandoning us for many, many, many, many minutes. i'm gonna go throw myself down and moan. hopefully she'll realize how cute i am and hug me again.

daisy.

this place is lousy with cats

why are there so many cats here? i honestly don't know where they come from or why they're here. all they do is complain that we get more than they do. they don't bring anything valuable to our happy home. they're just loud and whiny (plus, they're killers; don't forget that).

lindy is starting to really, really annoy me. she's such a clueless, bubble-head. you just have to look in her direction and she wags her tail at you. she runs up to complete strangers (well, i guess i do that too). in the words of chelsea handler, 'what a moron'. oh well, i guess i'm stuck with her and she's more fun to play with than the cats. i'm bored and feeling a little snarky. i'm betting a nice piece of cheese pizza would fix me right up.

i'm gonna go make sad eyes at momma in hopes she'll sprinkle cheese products in my mouth.

love and cheddar,

daisy

take time to stop and smell the pee

repeat after me, momma - 'stop and smell the pee'. momma needs to make this her new motto. she's always in a big hurry. when we go for walks in the morning, those are for us; that is our time. but she's constantly saying "let's go!" and "come on!!!!". um, scuse me momma. we have all the time in the world and prefer not to rush through life like you do. i don't know what this work thing is she has to do every day, but i don't like it one bit. plus, she is turning into the crazy vaccuum lady again. she's obsessed with that loud, annoying contraption and the mop too. just when we get the house covered in hair, stickers, dirt and crusty stuff, she has to clean it up.

today in the bunny fields, we met our third cousin (twice-removed). his name is cooper and he's only 4 months old AND his butt smelled good. lindy hates him cause he was sitting in momma's lap and licking her face. i found an ant-covered donut in the field too. deeeelicious, but it stung a little going down.

momma gave me a mammogram today (cause i'm old and stuff). it took a while cause i have so many boobies.

newman and uncle leo had a smack down today. leo is kinda mean like that. he just pounces on cuda or newman for no reason. and he always wins.

i gotta go; its bed-time and i need my beauty sleep. plus tomorrow, momma is gonna 'do my roots' and clairol my hair.

love and cheese-its,

daisy

i still got it

sunday was dog-day at the beach! still don't like the water, but i made some new friends. this 6 month old white retriever puppy named cooper wanted to play only with me cause he thinks i'm cute. but momma thinks it makes me a cougar (roar) for playing with baby boy puppies. i chased another little mutt dog named skeeter too.


uncle glenn came to visit us this weekend too; he gives good belly rubs and sneaks us steak bones and chocolate on the side.

i was just watching tv (yeah, i know; momma thinks i can't see it). and there was this really great commercial on for an awesome burger from applebee's. i really want to go to applebee's. if audrey was here, she could bring me one.

uncle leo brought me a baby mouse to play with saturday night. he brought it over and dropped it at my feet. it was a little bit dazed and maybe a little bit injured, so i kept patting him with my paw. then he'd try to run and i'd pat him again (i learned that from newman). and cause i was lazy and didn't feel like moving anything but my foot, he finally got away. he ran as fast as his tiny little legs could carry him, up the wall and over the fence. the other two mice and one lizard weren't so lucky. leo ripped their guts out before they could say 'what the...?'

gotta run; daddy's making spaghetti and i love italian food.

love and bow-tie pasta,

daisy

psych! made you look

so there wasn't really a dead mouse behind the tv - but daddy checked it out anyway. he really needs to do that more often. the cats like to hide some of their conquests. momma is paranoid too and is always checking under our bed since the live mouse jumped out and scared the maid that time.

happy mother's day momma! lindy and i wanted to get her chocolate and cheese and belly rubs cause that's what we like. but daddy said she'd probably like some time away from us - no! she loves us and wishes she could be with us 24 hours a day! i know cause she told me - really!. we also bought her some perfume cause she smells funny - and not funny-ha-ha. the cats brought mom a dead baby bird too. i'm pretty sure that wasn't her favorite gift. the cats are clueless about what momma likes.

for my present, lindy promised not to hump on me all day and she's also making me chicken cordon-bleu for dinner tonight.

yesterday while daddy was giving me treats, i tooted out loud and made him laugh. i was giving him a toot treat. lindy farts all the time and daddy doesn't laugh at her.

daddy has started calling me "the big one" again. i don't think i like what that means. i've been walking a lot and am almost as trim as lindy. i have a pedometer now too and so far today i've walked 45 steps. yeah, i know! that's a LOT! i could be like one of those old mall-walker people. i just need some tennis shoes. maybe those skecher corrective butt shoes will make my butt look smaller. momma has started calling me "pale face". i don't like that name either. i think my white face makes me look distinguished and regal. see?

pretty hot huh?

time for my beauty rest.

love to all mom's and to be mom's.

daisy.

hey daddy

there's a dead mouse behind the tv stuff.